Balenciaga, Fall 2007.

People seem to think that bringing back the 80's is a good idea. Even worse, they think that the only key to 80's steez for a party is some random headware.

I'm sick and fucking tired of people trying to revive vintage headwear pieces, like a fedora is instantly gonna turn your Se7en jeans and expensive hoodie into some couture shit.

The cowboy hat, if worn anywhere outside a 25 mile radius from a farm or anywhere in Texas, is strictly a gimmick item and acceptable only at lame costume parties. Aforementioned fedoras are only worn by faux-greaser Los Angeles velvet lounge types - you know, the dudes that chainsmoke Newports or Parliaments and cannot shut up about Simmons, their A&R friend. Cabbie hats, newspaper boy hats, other depression-era-wool-headwear hats...fine, but only if you're a cute girl and your thick-rimmed glasses have an actual prescription in them.

This whole throwback to the 80's bullshit gets to me so bad. Only three good things came out of the 80's: Top Gun, Metallica (up to and including ...And Justice For All), and Fred Savage. Fuck your leggings, fuck your Guns N Roses, and motherfuck your 80's themed parties.

I mean, some stripey socks and a sideways ponytail and you think you're 80s? No. Cabbie hat and short shorts to go with you frat boy outfit and all of a sudden you're reminiscing about Jefferson Starship and Tiffany? FUCK no.

We don't even remember the 80's, and as far as I'm concerned, five or six years ago everyone thought that the 80's as a whole were a joke, a coked-out brainfuck hemhorrage of clubbers burned out on the multicolored lights and sound of ABBA only to embrace the multicolored lights and sound of Cyndi Lauper.

The 80's really weren't cool. So don't try to bring it back.

Unless...

Unless, of course, you're gonna bring it back like these motherfuckers right here. Yeah, they've got the requisite leather Members Only joint. What?...is that a puffy turtleneck under said Members Only? Yuh-huh. I can only guess, but I'm betting they've got some high rise Wranglers and acid wash Lees on too. And they bring the whole outfit together with REAL vintage headgear, the three-hole-punch ski mask. Fucking legendary.

And, if that isn't avant garde enough for your elitist ass, they've got a noose too. A NOOSE. Talk about fucking old school. I mean, who the FUCK knows how to tie a noose anymore? Except for maybe the redneck daydreamers vainly hoping for a return of an America under the Stars & Bars, nooses (neese?) are straight vintage steelo. Trade in your dookie rope chain, because they're puttin' you on the new shit.

They don't mess around. Look at 'em - they caught this sorry fuck trying to get in wearing punk rock black. "Fuck your AC/DC and your Ramones, if it ain't tha Crue, we're not having it!" It's not even vintage for them, it's just Friday night at the club.

Bring the 80's back HARD like these dudes, or don't fucking bother. Please.

Soup. And Boxes.

This should be the next single off FutureSex/LoveSounds. You heard it here first. ::EDIT - Now featuring the raw joint! Uncensored for those of you who can't keep your minds in the gutter::




From Omeletteville to Homelessville. Make sure you check 'em out.

I guess the platinum record wasn't enough, he wants to be the best SNL guest host of the 21st century too.

Speaking of soup...



OH NO THEY DI'INT?!

You bet your sweet fuck they did.

Cal > UCLA

Straight from today's headlines:

LATimes.com: Major breach of UCLA's computer files

In what appears to be one of the largest computer security breaches ever at an American university, one or more hackers have gained access to a UCLA database containing personal information on about 800,000 of the university's current and former students, faculty and staff members, among others.

UCLA officials said the attack on a central campus database exposed records containing the names, Social Security numbers and birth dates — the key elements of identity theft — for at least some of those affected. The attempts to break into the database began in October of 2005 and ended Nov. 21, when the suspicious activity was detected and blocked, the officials said.

So, not only did their database security get buttfucked by some 733+ h4x0R, UCLA officials waited three weeks before deciding to tell anybody. Real considerate.

Well, I guess UCLA students can sleep soundly knowing that even if sensitive personal information is being attacked, at least their physical safety is under no imminent danger.

Oh, wait.



Daily Bruin: Student shot with taser by UCPD officers

Sorry Westwood. On the bright side, at least you guys still have Diddy Reese.

"...speakaz on bla...HI...."

I dare you to find me a funnier commercial from 2006.

Seriously. If you can find me a funnier one I'll post it here.

And before you suggest it...the absolutely ridiculous Zales commercial (with the song from "White Chicks" and the two goofy strangers high-fiving for possibly homoerotic reasons) would be on here, but I can't find the extended version.

Post links to funnier commercials in the comments area...or don't, and hurt my feelings.

This Post Is About Comic Books, So Don't Read It If You're a Close-Minded Subculturephobe

Okay, we all know that Spiderman 3 is going to be badass, but let's not overlook the comic book movie event of 2007:



The official 300 trailer website.

**300 has a certain visual style that the Youtube clips don't convey very well - I'd recommend checking out the Large trailer at the official website as well.**

Whereas Spiderman is going to wow you and zow you, you'll ultimately end up disappointed at the way they handled one element or another. It's an invariable fact when dealing with comic book megafranchises.

Frank Miller's 300 is going to blow everything outta the water because it's relatively unknown, and because this is the best thing to happen to gladiatorialesque period pieces since Gladiator.

But hey, I got love for Spidey too. So if you haven't seen them already...

High quality, official Spiderman 3 trailer.
The same trailer, but with fucking VENOM at the end. This is the one Sony doesn't want you to see.

I wish I could embed the videos, but Sony's keeping these suckers on a tight leash.

Oh wait, I forgot...I'm awesome, so here you go:



In other news...

If you know any comic geeks or connoisseurs of fine graphic literature, get them this for Christmas:


The Watchmen: Absolute Edition

While Alan Moore is currently most famous for his other work (you may have heard of it), The Watchmen is absolutely his masterpiece. If you're a fan of noir, superheroes, gritty crime serials, comics of any sort, murder mysteries, musings on obsolescence, the value of a superhero in a real society or just some good ol' fashioned storytelling, get this book. It's worth it, I promise.

I've heard that they're making a movie too, but I'll save that rant for another day.



The Marvel crossover event Civil War took place in 2006, and I avoided it because A) Civil War would have gone berzerker barrage on my wallet and B) I hate waiting months for a series to conclude.

That being said, the trade paperbacks are out now, and if you were sick to death of the same old shit happening in the Marvel universe, this is the event that knocked it to its foundations. The story is an allegory for issues that we talk about every day: the threat of unknown danger, whether or not it is just cause for taking away basic rights, and conflicts between the marginalized minorities of society. Good shit.

Although, I'd recommend reading Avengers: Disassembled and House of M if you're a stickler for complete backstory.



I'm still waiting for more news on the Batman Begins sequel, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, but it looks like even the people involved don't really know when shit is really gonna start up. Yes, Heath Ledger will be Joker. Apparently, Ryan Phillipe will be considered for Harvey Dent (Two-Face). I hope the latter isn't true.

If you've got doubts about The Ledge, I don't blame you...especially in terms of whether or not he can convey the level of sheer insanity that is the Joker. Hopefully this will quell some of those doubts:



Until then, please read Frank Miller's original, fucking SEMINAL, The Dark Knight Returns (the cover is shown above). It revolutionized the way people perceived the Batman character, and stripped him of the campy, cartoony gaudishness (sic...I make words up) that scarred his reputation for most of the 60's and 70's.

As fun as it is to watch, this is NOT real Batman:



Forward!



Robert Downey Jr. is cast as Tony Starks, aka Iron Man, for John Favreau's adaptation. John Favreau is the dude from Swingers who's not Vince Vaughn. He was also Pete on Friends. I don't know what kind of credentials he has to be taking on the fucking IRON MAN movie, but seriously, how low key is this project? People in general haven't heard shit about it, and it's supposed to start filming in January 07.

In any case, I think that the Downs will make a great Tony. Passive-aggressive rage? Check. Alcohol abuse? Check. Strength-enhancing neuronetic armor, in flashy red and gold? Working on it.

Aaaaand to round things out, probably the worst looking, least anticipated comic movie of all time (or, at least, of the 21st century):



I realize that was probably more information about comic books than you'll ever want to know about in your lifetime, but like it or not, you're going to see those movies. The comic book industry has a venerable back-catalog of badass stories that would translate well onto film, and usually even the shit ones are better than standard Hollywood blockbuster crap.

And yes, I just wasted an hour of finals studying to make this post. So care, goddamnit.




P.S. DeepDiscountDVD.com is having a ridiculous Buy 1 Get 1 Free sale on a ton of TV box sets. If you're an X-Files fan, this is by far the cheapest way to (legally) own all nine seasons of the best sci-fi franchise ever. Yeah, I said it. SG-1 comes in at a close second though. Those are on sale too.

I Swear That I'll Eventually Post Stuff That's Not About Music.

But until then, I'm still going to sackride Aries Spears as the Artist of '06. Here's another one:



If Weird Al can cut a proper parody record, there's no reason why my dude Aries can't. I know that the MadTV checks means that he eating right, but a record deal never hurt nobody. Eating right, and eating a LOT, by the looks of it. But coming from me, that's the pot calling the kettle a lardass.

Speaking of Weird Al, I know this is old, but it's still worth the watch / listen.



Speaking of filthy vehicular occupants, here are my favorites...it's the best show on MTV right now (which isn't saying much), but I guess I never realized how much enjoyment I got from jackass until these two came around:



And, for no particular reason at all, Gwen Stefani's (way way radder than yours) hair:

It's Kind of Sacreligious...

...but also pretty neat.

In a mash-uppy, subcultures-colliding type of way.

Sometimes those are fun.

Othertimes, they're not.





P.S. Hip Hop is Dead leaked this week. I'd have listened to it, but I've run out of iPod headphones (I broke three sets this semester).

How To /Yourself

Weekly music rant commencing in 3,2,1...

I'm sorry, but this song makes me want to shove hot curling irons into my ears. Fucking primetime shows and their manufactured-hipness soundtracks.


Speaking of piano-based songs recently featured on a certain medical drama, this joint is pwning me. She played at the Fillmore too, the night before I saw Jenny Lewis.


Dude, WE KNOW THAT YOU DID THE BEAT / PRODUCED HER COMEBACK / ARE DOWN WITH WHITE PEOPLE. Stay out of the video, Nells looks a whole lot better than you do.


I have no idea, but am I late on this? It seems that the track's only been out for a few weeks, but I swear I saw this vid during the summer. EDIT: Or, I'm a dumbass and didn't notice that this video's just splices of a bunch of other videos. So I'll upload the track instead.

DOWNLOAD - Push It (Remix feat Jada, Bun B, Styles and the Game)

I saw that MTV just put this on their "Download and Watch" category on late night. I mean, the hipster blogs were (self-admittedly) late when they pounced on this in the summertime (the original mix came out like 2 years ago and no one paid attention), and even the Clear Channel alt-rock stations were sweating this a few months ago.
I'm not saying I knew about it at all until the summer either, but MTV should have a show that's called "Hot Shit that we're only playing because mass droves of people on the internet are hyping it, meaning that it will eventually become popular, and we as MTV can not and shall not stand for any artist getting popular without our consent."

No, I still won't shut up about this. FIYAH, man.


2007 means that I'm committed to FINALLY learning how to play guitar. This is the first song I'm going to learn and play. Seriously.


And finally...will someone PLEASE STOP giving Akon spots on choruses? He's putting Nate Dogg outta work.

The True Meaning of Friendship.