Religion ain't dead.

And these guys know.

The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me and Hell Hath No Fury, respectively.

Shelve those Christmas carols a little longer, these are the most anticipated bangers of the YEAR.

Ma$on Betha is back!

Oh wait, it's Aries Spears.



The only sad part of this video is that he has better flow than the real Snoop and DMX. Can't comment on LL Cool J, because he hasn't put out a real record since 1990.

I'm personally crossing my fingers for a Will-Sasso-as-Paul-Wall remix.

Tina Fey is the shit; Paris Hilton is a piece of shit.

Not that this is news or anything, but Tina Fey has always been awesome sauce in my book. And Paris Hilton...well...it seems like she has a problem keeping certain types of sauces off of her. She's also the biggest, dumbest, big dumb slut that Big Slutdom has ever seen. She's a walking cesspool of centuries of discarded human DNA...dyed blonde.

But anyways, this article just reminded me on how I feel about both, from Us Magazine:

"Tina Fey, the former head writer of Saturday Night Live, and creator and star of the new NBC show, 30 Rock, dropped by Howard Stern’s Sirius Satellite radio show on Wednesday to share her thoughts on various past SNL guest hosts.

She revealed that Paris Hilton asked the writers to make a skit in which she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her…she's fat.” Fey also claims that Paris was so self-centered that staffers had a bet going on as to whether she would ask anyone something personal (like "How are you?") during her week on-set. They only lost when she asked, “Is Maya Rudolph Italian?" (she's half Black, half Jewish).

In excerpts from the interview below, Tina dishes more on Paris, Matthew McConaughey (See: personal hygiene, lack thereof) and losing her own virginity.

On her virginity:
TF: I was 24 when I lost my virginity. I was still a virgin when I met my husband.

HS: Why do you think that is, you were the hot girl on SNL?

TF: I don't know, I was a drama major, so it was me and 100 gay guys, so maybe that was my problem.

On Paris Hilton:
HS: What is Paris Hilton like?

TF: She's a piece of sh-t. The people at SNL were like maybe she'll be fun, maybe she won't take herself so seriously. She takes herself so seriously! She's unbelievably dumb and so proud of how dumb she is. She looks like a tranny up close.

HS: Was she bad on SNL, was she hard to deal with?

TF: She was awful. People never come in and say "I'm not doing that." So, this guy Jim Downey wrote a really really funny sketch, it was supposed to be Lorne Michaels just finding out that she had a sex tape and telling her she couldn't host the show because SNL has standards... So she was like "I'm not doing it!" and refused to come out of her dressing room. Also, you would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle.

HS: Did she give you ideas for sketches?

TF: Yeah, she wanted to make fun of all the girls she hates. She was like "I want to play Jessica Simpson, I hate her." She would come in the room and say "you should do a show about Jessica Simpson because she's fat."

HS: What was the bet you guys had going about her?

TF: The cast had a bet if she would ask anyone on the cast anything about themselves, you know like how are you? where are you from? anything. I think Seth Meyers won because at one point, she asked him if Maya Rudolf was Italian."

*****

I know it might seem like a double standard if Tina Fey gets to call Paris Hilton a "piece of shit" and Paris isn't allowed to get away with calling Jessica Simpson "fat." But really, it can only be a double standard if the person has standards to begin with. That, and Paris is composed more of contraceptives and tan-in-a-can rather than human tissue and organs.

Oh, and go Tina. She's earned her show...and the right to try and protect it from cancellation.

Capo Status.

Cas, Marius, and Armand busted in the other day repping Byrdgang and I didn't notice because I was busy destructifying some zombies on Gamecube.

So, I belatedly present to you, my number 2 "Song so infuckingcredibly dumb, it's awesome" track of 2006. BBBBBAAAAAALLLLLIIIINNNNN!

DOWNLOAD: Jim Jones - We Fly High

Oh, and in case you're wondering what #1 was...

Kiwi

This seems to be teh new hotness on the intrawebs.

I don't really know what to make of it.

I guess it's supposed to be all touchy and emo and stuff, but I can't help but giggle because it has no arms.

I blame Wes Anderson for the proliferation of this type of crap.

Get Charged!

Yes. I can't believe it's taken this long...but finally, from Lightningdrink.com:
*****

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt - First of it's Kind
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks and emerged as many “firsts”: - First energy drink to contain Tibetan Goji Berries - First energy drink to contain Asian Cordyceps It is also one of the very few energy drinks to be offered in multiple flavors and is available in 60 countries worldwide
The Chi Symbol
When Steven Seagal traveled to Asia searching for the ingredients for Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, he wanted a universal Asian character to summarize it's energy and power. The character known as "CHI" stands for power, and energy in many Asian languages and cultures.
The Name "Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt" The name Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt was an inevitable afterthought. When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature- The Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt. Both mysterious and powerful, it's a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer- Such is Steven Seagals Lightning Bolt energy drink.

*****

I don't even know what a cordycep is, much less an Asian cordycep, but since it's got Steven Seagal's face on the can, it has to be good. I mean, good lord, one of them is named "Asian Experience." That sounds like something that a suspect Chinatown masseuse would offer you in the back of a dark closet.

Side effects include:
- squinty eyes
- monotonous voice that sounds like a bad impersonation of Marlon Brando whispering
- guaranteed contracts in horrible B movies, most likely involving martial arts, co-starring Jet Li and/or DMX.









Yeah, I know...but I refuse to stop making blogs. Not unlike Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy drink,this blog will ultimately comprise of: mysterious juices, random junk from the internet, and the sweat of a pseudo-Asian badass.